We have six children. Ages 16 to 26. After our second child, every time I was pregnant at least one person would ask me how were we going to pay for college?
It’s a sad commentary on our society that many people view the addition of a child to a family only through an economic lens. My husband has one brother. I have two brothers. I see many advantages of having five siblings. They’re in interpersonal skills seem to be ahead of their peers. They’re good at sharing. They are all different, so the family’s been exposed to all kinds of interests / passions / friends over the years. They have high executive function skills. (Far beyond my peer’s children). We had less margin of error for kids to be unorganized, so they learned early to get their act together. (I also used to be an executive coach so I trained them :-) They always have someone to do something with. They have lots of fun together. They are a party wherever they go. One of my friends has nine children. And she once said she didn’t know how people with only one or two children taught virtue. There are many opportunities in a large family to learn virtue. It’s built in.
BTW Our three college students have or will graduate school without debt. All three went to their school of choice. And they all received substantial merit scholarships. Another son is in the military. The younger two are still at home will likely also have no debt when they graduate college.
Great work on this article! I also grew up with 7 musical siblings, performing all over throughout childhood, and we also still sing every time we’re together. There wasn’t much money for college, but I’d much rather have my younger siblings around. I am grateful for the work ethic I gained from putting myself through college, actually, which has proved even more useful than my two degrees from Carnegie Mellon. I think that giving your children siblings is a precious gift, especially when they can share a joyful, common activity like music. By the way, I would love to hear more about your musical family! Your great-grandfather likely performed with a conductor I just wrote an article on over at my Substack, The Musical Father.
I read the The Atlantic essay. Love the idea of a family singing together! We do this too a bit with old Southern Baptist hymns, but not nearly as harmonized and beautiful! Thought provoking research! The large families I know are divided by class: the religious ones (Mormon, Catholic and Reformed) all seem to have needs met and are cohesive, at various above poverty income levels. But I also know large families with single parents/step parents and children with multiple different parents (same mom, different dad usually), who are at or below poverty. I'm wondering if that vast difference in family culture is skewing the data a bit? Like the kids from big Catholic families are maybe having to wear hand-me-downs and help pay for college, but the kids in large, multi-parent low income families are on welfare, and going without when it comes to things like healthcare and food? Not trying to diminish anyone's experience in a large family. I work at a low income alternative high school in Central CA so I may have some skewed anecdotal evidence on my end ha!
Thank you! As for the research, my impression is that the inverse relationship between family size and educational outcomes (that's the one that's been studied the most) isn't class dependent--as in, it shrinks but holds even after you account for socioeconomic differences. So, all else equal, having more siblings will still put downward pressure on educational outcomes even in a richer family, which makes sense to me. Just seems sort of obvious that it's easier to pay for one kid to go to college than 6 or whatever lol. Though of course, as you are pointing out, the severity of impact for kids will be different up and down the socioeconomic spectrum. For me, having additional siblings impacted the quality/prestige of the schools I attended but didn't stop me from attending a 4-year college (it did for other people I know, including those in Catholic families). There's some similar research on wealth accumulation and the like, which also makes sense to me (when my dad died, his estate was split five ways rather than just all being given to me. Just a super straightforward dilution of resources).
THAT SAID, while the effect isn't wholly class dependent, there is evidence that it's *context-dependent* in a way that I think supports what you are saying. So for example, there are a handful of older studies that have found that the relationship between education and family size is actually positive in countries with more agricultural-based economies like Kenya (Buchmann, 2000; Gomes, 1984) and Botswana (Chernichovsky, 1985). And then a 2016 study found that the consequences of siblings for educational attainment are "about one quarter as large among Mormons versus Protestants in 20th-century America." Mormons have much more robust community support for big families, so I think the implication is that the resource dilution model really only makes sense when parents are on their own (as they often are in the U.S.).
You have a real knack for sorting through data! And this helps clarify the statement in the Pro Natalism discussion about how education and affluence tend to slow down the TFR. I actually never put those two together but it’s makes sense for things like paying for college and inheritance. It’s interesting to look at data and then see manifestations of it in real time
love this--and just FYI, and it's not because you aren't a fantastic writer...but I would love some video content for this piece, of your family singing!
This is a great article..When I taught in San Antonio I had a couple of roommates from big Catholic families. They all knew how to cook for a party for over 60 people and sing. I tried to learn as much from them as I could. My husband and I threw a caroling party last weekend and I don't think it would have ever been something I would know how to do had I not learned it from them.
Currently writing on this type of conversation from the mother’s perspective (I have 5 children and am asked about the allocation of resources). So I enjoyed this post and can’t wait to read your article!
Additionally, thank you so much for the family music story. I live in an area where this would be a particular gift to the community….just a few more years, I think! A good family goal to work toward!
Loved this! I also grew up in a musical family and we’d carol at Xmas. At home, dad would play the piano and my sisters and I would sing (dad is totally tone deaf with singing, though). Last year we caroled at my grandparents’ nursing home and it was really sweet. Definitely grateful to be one of three sisters so we can sing SSA arrangements. :)
Are there links to sheet music of any of your grandfather’s compositions? What a cool family history.
I loved reading this! Three of my five siblings are very very musical, so I grew up surrounded by music too. I found much of myself reflected in what you wrote! Except I found my musicality later - it wasn't in instruments or voice, but dance (social dances like salsa)!
I would be very interested in any studies in the UK about outcomes for large families, partly because the college question isn't at all the same here in the UK. I think it would probably be broadly the same, but I do wonder if the resource dilution get changed slightly by the university setup here? All universities charge the same, and everyone can get a loan (which you don't start paying back until you earn over a certain threshold amount, the amount you pay back per month is relative to your income level, and the debt is forgiven after 25 years). As one of six children, no university was barred to me. Of the 6 of us, 5 of us have gone to university, with 4 of us going to Russell-Group universities. I don't really think that the largeness of our family stopped us from achieving academically - we did not have extra tuition, sure, but we did have the self-reliance and problem solving skills granted to us by nature of many siblings.
I do think the largeness of the family altered us financially, but like you, our needs were met, and again it came with a learned skill of making do, mending, and resilience. I would much rather have all the memories with my younger siblings and the gift to the world that they are now than memories of a holiday or two abroad as a teen.
We have six children. Ages 16 to 26. After our second child, every time I was pregnant at least one person would ask me how were we going to pay for college?
It’s a sad commentary on our society that many people view the addition of a child to a family only through an economic lens. My husband has one brother. I have two brothers. I see many advantages of having five siblings. They’re in interpersonal skills seem to be ahead of their peers. They’re good at sharing. They are all different, so the family’s been exposed to all kinds of interests / passions / friends over the years. They have high executive function skills. (Far beyond my peer’s children). We had less margin of error for kids to be unorganized, so they learned early to get their act together. (I also used to be an executive coach so I trained them :-) They always have someone to do something with. They have lots of fun together. They are a party wherever they go. One of my friends has nine children. And she once said she didn’t know how people with only one or two children taught virtue. There are many opportunities in a large family to learn virtue. It’s built in.
BTW Our three college students have or will graduate school without debt. All three went to their school of choice. And they all received substantial merit scholarships. Another son is in the military. The younger two are still at home will likely also have no debt when they graduate college.
Great work on this article! I also grew up with 7 musical siblings, performing all over throughout childhood, and we also still sing every time we’re together. There wasn’t much money for college, but I’d much rather have my younger siblings around. I am grateful for the work ethic I gained from putting myself through college, actually, which has proved even more useful than my two degrees from Carnegie Mellon. I think that giving your children siblings is a precious gift, especially when they can share a joyful, common activity like music. By the way, I would love to hear more about your musical family! Your great-grandfather likely performed with a conductor I just wrote an article on over at my Substack, The Musical Father.
Yes, the gift of siblings. As a mom of 8, I appreciate hearing this, over and over again. Thank you!
I read the The Atlantic essay. Love the idea of a family singing together! We do this too a bit with old Southern Baptist hymns, but not nearly as harmonized and beautiful! Thought provoking research! The large families I know are divided by class: the religious ones (Mormon, Catholic and Reformed) all seem to have needs met and are cohesive, at various above poverty income levels. But I also know large families with single parents/step parents and children with multiple different parents (same mom, different dad usually), who are at or below poverty. I'm wondering if that vast difference in family culture is skewing the data a bit? Like the kids from big Catholic families are maybe having to wear hand-me-downs and help pay for college, but the kids in large, multi-parent low income families are on welfare, and going without when it comes to things like healthcare and food? Not trying to diminish anyone's experience in a large family. I work at a low income alternative high school in Central CA so I may have some skewed anecdotal evidence on my end ha!
Thank you! As for the research, my impression is that the inverse relationship between family size and educational outcomes (that's the one that's been studied the most) isn't class dependent--as in, it shrinks but holds even after you account for socioeconomic differences. So, all else equal, having more siblings will still put downward pressure on educational outcomes even in a richer family, which makes sense to me. Just seems sort of obvious that it's easier to pay for one kid to go to college than 6 or whatever lol. Though of course, as you are pointing out, the severity of impact for kids will be different up and down the socioeconomic spectrum. For me, having additional siblings impacted the quality/prestige of the schools I attended but didn't stop me from attending a 4-year college (it did for other people I know, including those in Catholic families). There's some similar research on wealth accumulation and the like, which also makes sense to me (when my dad died, his estate was split five ways rather than just all being given to me. Just a super straightforward dilution of resources).
THAT SAID, while the effect isn't wholly class dependent, there is evidence that it's *context-dependent* in a way that I think supports what you are saying. So for example, there are a handful of older studies that have found that the relationship between education and family size is actually positive in countries with more agricultural-based economies like Kenya (Buchmann, 2000; Gomes, 1984) and Botswana (Chernichovsky, 1985). And then a 2016 study found that the consequences of siblings for educational attainment are "about one quarter as large among Mormons versus Protestants in 20th-century America." Mormons have much more robust community support for big families, so I think the implication is that the resource dilution model really only makes sense when parents are on their own (as they often are in the U.S.).
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/0192513X19873356
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/27173795/
You have a real knack for sorting through data! And this helps clarify the statement in the Pro Natalism discussion about how education and affluence tend to slow down the TFR. I actually never put those two together but it’s makes sense for things like paying for college and inheritance. It’s interesting to look at data and then see manifestations of it in real time
love this--and just FYI, and it's not because you aren't a fantastic writer...but I would love some video content for this piece, of your family singing!
ooh... that's an idea! Do I dare? 😂
it's the holidays! it would be a gift!
Okay I added a couple of clips haha
they're so good! and the adult one in particular is ridiculous. thank you. very well received.
This is a great article..When I taught in San Antonio I had a couple of roommates from big Catholic families. They all knew how to cook for a party for over 60 people and sing. I tried to learn as much from them as I could. My husband and I threw a caroling party last weekend and I don't think it would have ever been something I would know how to do had I not learned it from them.
The article was incredible beautiful and honest! Thank you!
Thank you!!
Well yeah the last sentence is great, but i just loved the train wreck metaphor.
Currently writing on this type of conversation from the mother’s perspective (I have 5 children and am asked about the allocation of resources). So I enjoyed this post and can’t wait to read your article!
Additionally, thank you so much for the family music story. I live in an area where this would be a particular gift to the community….just a few more years, I think! A good family goal to work toward!
Loved this! I also grew up in a musical family and we’d carol at Xmas. At home, dad would play the piano and my sisters and I would sing (dad is totally tone deaf with singing, though). Last year we caroled at my grandparents’ nursing home and it was really sweet. Definitely grateful to be one of three sisters so we can sing SSA arrangements. :)
Are there links to sheet music of any of your grandfather’s compositions? What a cool family history.
Okay my mom says his music isn't available anywhere online YET but she and her (many) siblings are working on it.
Let me ask my mom about the sheet music!
I loved reading this! Three of my five siblings are very very musical, so I grew up surrounded by music too. I found much of myself reflected in what you wrote! Except I found my musicality later - it wasn't in instruments or voice, but dance (social dances like salsa)!
I would be very interested in any studies in the UK about outcomes for large families, partly because the college question isn't at all the same here in the UK. I think it would probably be broadly the same, but I do wonder if the resource dilution get changed slightly by the university setup here? All universities charge the same, and everyone can get a loan (which you don't start paying back until you earn over a certain threshold amount, the amount you pay back per month is relative to your income level, and the debt is forgiven after 25 years). As one of six children, no university was barred to me. Of the 6 of us, 5 of us have gone to university, with 4 of us going to Russell-Group universities. I don't really think that the largeness of our family stopped us from achieving academically - we did not have extra tuition, sure, but we did have the self-reliance and problem solving skills granted to us by nature of many siblings.
I do think the largeness of the family altered us financially, but like you, our needs were met, and again it came with a learned skill of making do, mending, and resilience. I would much rather have all the memories with my younger siblings and the gift to the world that they are now than memories of a holiday or two abroad as a teen.